kerristarr

this is old, but timely

2009-06-05T14:45:00.001-05:00

my greatest mistake

what i swore i'd never do

i've taken this hope

and i placed it in you

but i didn't have time

to disguise the truth

and i said what i felt

and i placed it on you

Swagga

2009-02-09T12:52:00.001-06:00

Jay Z can do no wrong.

Update

2009-01-22T16:53:00.001-06:00

Last week - debit card stolen

Today - found out I'm getting kicked out of my house

Four and Four for Kim!

2009-01-22T16:36:00.002-06:00

Here's you go! These are 2 of my fav girls of all time.

For clarity - I was supposed to post the fourth photo from my fourth folder in my pictures - so there you have it.

Leeners, Kerri, Hank. = Love.

Disclaimer

2009-01-19T08:03:00.001-06:00

I still have both ovaries.

Sorry for the confusion, and for the bad joke.

Novaries - Sent at 2:37 PM on Friday

2009-01-16T14:55:00.001-06:00

kerri: you mean superBEUTCH?

moooce: your ovaries are as good as punched.

kerri: that'd be funny if i didn't have my ovaries removed 2 years ago

moooce: you had them removed?

now there's the joke. i'm blogging about it.

Novaries is the blog title.

kerri: not really a joke

the fact that i can't have kids

moooce: why do you hate ovaries?

kerri: me?

moooce: wait, who is this?

kerri: you hate ovaries - apparently my ovaries specifically, which in turn means you hate me and any kids i would have been able to have if i still had mine

moooce: i dont' hate Ovaries. I am a member of Eovary.com. Are you?

kerri: NO BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE ANY

AND EOVARY.COM DISCRIMINATES

SALT IN THE WOUND

SHIT

moooce: why do they discriminate?

kerri: black and no ovaries

moooce: they only want ethnic ovaries?

kerri: they only like white people with ovaries

dumb ass

To Do List

2008-12-22T08:34:00.004-06:00

Working Monday and Tuesday of Christmas week. Dumb. Boss is out, so I thought I'd make myself a little "to do" list. Lord knows no actual work is going to get done. Now - I don't want to give anyone the wrong idea. But checking things off the list is therapeutic.

Gratitude and Self-Promotion

2008-12-15T20:31:00.002-06:00

Sunday I ran in my first race ever, the White Rock Half Marathon. Now, I'm officially addicted and will be running in many many more. It was probably the greatest thing I've experienced in Dallas. It's amazing how people will stand out in their yards and on street corners just to tell you to keep going, and that you're doing a great job.

I ran by myself, but I knew the whole time that my mom, and some dear friends were waiting for me at the end.

When I finally found Lindsey, Caleb, and Manes - I basically turned around and they were just there in front of me - Lindsey screamed, and they all tackled me up in the biggest and greatest hug ever, that lasted 2 or 3 seconds longer than it rightfully should have. THAT was the greatest moment of the race.

I love my friends. I love my mom who hung out in Victory park for nearly 3 hours by herself just to cheer me across the finish line. I only have one picture from the day - Lindsey took it with her phone - me - hot mess. Manes - peacock.

Best Gift Ever?

2008-11-17T09:19:00.007-06:00

Thanks Hank.

The World is Broken

2008-11-10T21:40:00.003-06:00

Like my computer

because Matt Brown spilled coffee on it

it just doesn't work right

and it makes loud, strange noises

for no reason other to remind me that it just doesn't work right

the buttons stick

k's become ='s

the volume controls flicker, mute - unmute, mute - unmute

it just doesn't work right

and that's why people get laid off.

o joy - a year later

2008-11-06T21:25:00.003-06:00

I moved on, unwillingly.

You stayed behind.

I got caught up in new friends and wine.

And forgot.

Then, my Joy, you were gone.

The days grew darker

as I chased the sunset.

Now the morning speaks of you.

There's a song in the city lights,

it bends my ear and turns my head.

Not here. Not forgotten.

New house.

New day.

New wine, new friends.

No you.

it's not green, it's jealousy

2008-11-02T11:13:00.004-06:00

Underneath the Christmas lights

Strung up like me, with hope too high

Oddly festive under late summer's sky

Harhly lit to hide the lie

Every other one burnt and broken

So much like my lost and found emotions

Dangled high like the games you play

Tokens, out of reach, always in motion

Those lights are the only stars I see

It's been some time since I could be

In a place where I could see the sky

without these rainy tears of mine

And all alone you stand so near

and far away, both killing me

There's a stale old beer in my right hand

and a stale old heart inside this man

The smoke that lingers on the air

Stops my breath and blurs my eyes

Tomorrow I'll blame today's short sight

On all those cigarettes you smoked tonight

That green monster painted on the wall

Laughs and points because she knows

Her sister lurking deep inside

Would tell the truth I've tried to hide

The only thing between us now

A console and the radio

And although night has fallen down

I still can't find your hand to hold

The only thing between us now

Are breaklights and this cold gray stone

I'll drive away from words unsaid

My hope too high, and your love dead.

My Future Husband

2008-10-27T15:40:00.001-05:00

Nothing sexier.

Blog Crazy

2008-10-08T20:40:00.006-05:00

Lots of things to promote tonight...other than just myself.

FIRST!!!! and most important in case you get bored before the end of this post, which is likely...

Nov. 21st at the Granada Theater, JOIN ME at this year's CF Concert Series featuring Rhett Miller of the Old '97s. It's for a good cause. You can make a difference and honestly have a lot of fun. I mean...I'll be there. Find out all about it at the website, buy a ticket and COME!!!

SECOND!!! We produced this video for an upcoming conference we're be attending to promote Unifyer. Just some fun/me looking good in my acting debue.

THIRD!!!

My boss, Jason Mitchell, turned 53, or 63 1/2 this week (can't remember which). He also managed, as he does quite often, to be out of the office all week. So in his honor, and to celebrate...who'm I kidding this was all about me.

Love.

Shameless Plug

2008-10-06T21:06:00.002-05:00

1. mmmm Marketing hotness....
2. PUT SOME UNIFYER ON IT!!!

Small group. We do what we must.

2008-09-30T22:31:00.003-05:00

I was a little wheels off at small group...and so, this happened.

By the way...don't be fooled, packing tape on bare skin DOES hurt like hell.

There are mountains there...

2008-09-14T19:31:00.003-05:00

Oh Lawton...

I do love going home, for the weekend. I do feel weird saying that I'm going home. I always fought Oklahoma and I've always felt more at home in Texas. Actually I've felt homeless for quite some time, but that's a completely different topic.

But I do love going to Lawton and reliving it if only in my memories as I drive by old stuff, like old elementary school (Longhorns! wha what?!), old drive-in, old football stadium, ol dirty bastard...kidding...maybe. I might have driven by him on the side of the road selling pecans, I'm just saying.

I'm always really tired when I'm there. It is as if I finally stop for a few minutes and then I just crash. Which makes me feel bad because I'm probably not very fun. My mom and niece and nephew always want to go go go and I want to sit on the couch and watch movies based on Jane Austen novels. Seriously, that's all I want to do. My mom likes to do that too but I still feel like a big couch potato let down. I feel like I let people down if I'm not entertaining all the time...problem. Then I like to go to bed early. I actually look forward to sleeping in my old room with my dog Bodi curled up at my feet.

So I never end up doing anything really noteworthy while I'm there. And I really have nothing noteworthy to report...just updating.

Is it weird that I felt left out because I wasn't about to not experience Ike the tropical storm? I always feel left out even when I'm right in the middle of something. Third child syndrome. At least I'm aware of it. I got a lot of overplayed, ominous Twitters and was a bit sad that I wasn't there to exaggerate the experience along with the rest of my urban family. Glad you all made it through though...seriously.

Really that's all I've got. Blog post waste.

I'm back!

I'M IN COLORADO!!!

2008-08-28T06:41:00.004-05:00

My last blog entry was a little intense, apparently, so I'm keeping this one light and clear.

I am in Breckenridge, CO. I didn't realize how much I missed this place. Colorado mostly, I've been to Breckenridge once, I think we just stopped at a Starbucks. The last time I was here was the summer of 2002, the last summer of Crosscamp.

I am here working, but you wouldn't know it.

Yesterday we hiked up to a cabin where Ross proposed to Kara. Couldn't breathe, but I loved every second of it.

Decided on day 2 to start rocking socks with my Chacos.

You probably can't tell...these socks are electric blue. HOT.

We're pretty much on a ski slope...no snow...sad.

I pulled out all the old camp stops for this trip...including the Noah's Ark White Water Rafting long sleeve tshirt.

Last time I was in Colorado I also recall staying up ridiculously late, playing RIDICULOUS games, (crosscampers read: seeing how many times you can jump through the hula hoop while it's still rolling, and MAFIA) and not getting enough sleep. Somehow I woke up wide awake at 530. OH WELL! I love it.

Why I Shouldn't Be Left Alone...

2008-08-23T20:07:00.004-05:00

I can’t read you
And I’ve fallen for you
Despite my best efforts
And the foregone conclusion
We will never see
Each other eye to eye
We will always be
Each other’s favorite lie
Neither will concede
Too much faith to believe
That love could be enough
That certainty is done
If just once you’d let it go
If just you could let me know
What I already do
What you do too
That it’s only you. It’s always you.

UPDATE - YES it was a bit of an emotional week and this is what came from it...wrote it in the car on my LONGER than normal commute to work from Frisco. Learning and being told that I'm more of an emotional reacter than I ever wanted to believe I was. Also grateful for my roommates and remembering why I don't live alone. Two weeks house-sitting has been quiet and not quiet inside my head, and I'm glad to be back in my real world. And on that note...

NEWS - I'm moving "inside the loop". FINALLY, officially will live in Dallas. So far I've hit The Colony, Plano, Lewisville and Carrollton. Dallas may be my last stop, at least for a while.

STATUS - Not relationship...actual physical. Back on Whitney Drive for 2 WHOLE days and flying out to Breckenridge via Denver on Tuesday. Maybe I'll stop by the Convention and hit it up style with Biden and Obama. MAYBE Bono will be there...stalking commences.

CURRENT LOVE INTEREST - Sarah my roomie, just (2 seconds ago) told me I can add features to my cell plan via the INTERWEB!!! I just updated my plan to unlimited texting so for $10 more every month, I will keep my cell phone bill from being $100 more per month than it ought to be. LOVE HER, and LOVE HER.

my blog is boring

2008-07-02T21:34:00.005-05:00

So here are some fun pics and random captions from the last...whatever.

Helping Angie with failed dress #1. Or not helping...with failed dress #1.

wheels-off night at pete's piano bar with inappropriate sales guys...the 2 red heads were the MOST ghetto

Leeners and me at the Palladium...we're cute.

Leeners takes artsy pics...she should be an artsy photographer.

Good times getting high by proxy at the Steve Miller concert. There is maybe nothing cooler than laying on a blanket on a summer night listening to swingtown...think about it.

a fair distance

2008-06-01T09:56:00.002-05:00

Between you and me
Between one and three

From war to peace
From west to east

In youth and age
In red and gray

Through right and wrong
Through silent songs

To want and fear
To wasted years

I’ll hope you’ll leave
I have to keep

A fair distance

Between you and me

signature

2008-05-12T20:56:00.005-05:00

There's something True about gray.
Somber and resolute,
Secure and hidden,
Vulnerable and rigid.

There's something True about you.
Vagrant and communal,
Hurt and loyal,
Blithe and unaware.

There is some Thing True.

landscaping

2008-05-09T23:21:00.005-05:00

my married friends are happy
with cookie-cutter apron strings
their antiqued white cherry trees
and though the faux stone houses fall
they build their backyards out and tall

pink crystals on their chandeliers
grow dust and gray across the years
reflecting smiles that pity me
and envy what the world could be
guess my old forgotten soul will sing
while all you think about is me

lazy susan rocking chairs
on porches wrapped with sweet tea fare
settled into subtleties
and all you'll think about is me

You're Invited

2008-04-15T14:55:00.003-05:00

be hatched or go bad

2008-04-14T21:30:00.003-05:00

So the recurring topic lately is truth, capital "T"? or no? And maybe on a less eternal level, certainty, capital "C"?

Is it really even a topic or are we just a bunch of usurpers?

That's one of my favorite words, you know, usurp.

If there is some One from which to wrongfully seize authority, I vote for Truth. Otherwise where there's no infraction there's no penalty.

But where I've had to "deconstruct" is in the matter of my own pride. I believe Christ is Truth. I believe Christ is in me. I try, and FAIL everyday in imitating Him, and little by little I hope the pretense becomes reality. I believe if Christ is in me and if Christ is Truth than I have Truth in me. The Word active and living within me, not bound by my own constraints to interpret language or intention or concept. Truth, free because it Is, to be interpreted through me...potentially. So whether or not I have come to some cognitive understanding of Truth based on reading a Book, or a book, or listening to scholars, or studying philosophies, or because Mrs. Torbert taught that lesson in Sunday school, Truth is outside of my ability to be certain of it. I hope, I believe, I've had a glimpse of it, if only in His life.

I spend most of my day wrongfully placing my self on my throne, considering my own happiness and, maybe even worse, my own opinion.

Wanting more of Christ while hoping that fits into my idea of what completion is.

As oil is to water so is my aspiration to Christlikeness to my, little "h", happiness. So it's not even that I have compromised, it's that I have tried to marry two things that simple cannot exist. Big "M" Me and Christ.

So either I'm completely deconstructed as in DIED, or I go bad. God reveals Himself in nature. I hatch, which is the non-refundable, the end of me. Or I go bad?

Or does it explode?

2008-04-03T10:16:00.003-05:00

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is like a tree of life.
Proverbs 13:12

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore-- And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat? Or crust and sugar over-- like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

-Langston Hughes

features over benefits

2008-03-24T18:10:00.004-05:00

I'm starting a new feature on my blog this week - The Picture of the Week. I've seen it on other blogs, and I'm ripping it off.

It's kind of a desperate attempt to add something to my failure of a blog.

There's no substance, no real benefit to checking in on my blog every now and then. The POTW will probably end up being more like the POTQ (picture of the quarter), but who knows...maybe I'll surprise myself.

The BANGS ARE BACK! This isn't me trying to look cool, just me taking a picture of my new bangs with the camera phone. Bangs are a big deal for girls, a big commitment. Commitment to anything is big for me. So ENJOY the POTW!

i want to live in this world

2008-03-14T18:47:00.001-05:00

For weeks at work, I haven't really been doing anything, just trying to look busy. I know one for sure, at least a few guys who would confirm that last statement. So I've had time to hang out on facebook and to surf YouTube, you know you've done it...and I found it. I want to live in this world. I mean, I do. This is kinda what's always going on in my head. When it doesn't look like I'm paying attention to you, I'm not.

Thoughts on This Half Life

2008-03-02T09:08:00.003-06:00

Tangled up in temporary.
I'm only 25 and I don't know if I'll ever not feel like wherever I am I won't be there long. I'm also fairly sure I won't want to be there long.
I'm sick with thinking of the next thing. Moving, again? Married? House? Children? All things that I want, and I DON'T want, both at the same time.
Sometimes the next step scares me as much as staying put. Because either way, it will all, always, only add up to temporary.
It's like finally getting what you want, and then realizing you don't really want it. Actually, you despise it.
Clive Staples said something once about living each day as if it is the last day the earth will ever see, but at the same time planning for the next 100 years.
I'm sure I don't do either well. I struggle with having hope for this world. There's a difference between having hope for and placing hope in... I have to take my eyes off of me so I can have hope for this world. Because I won't find it in me and I won't find it in any man. I have to stop looking to you because really, I only look at you to see how I'll look next to you.
Really, I want to go home. Can that get in the way of what I have to do here? Can it compliment it?
Maybe if I anticipated Him more, I'd better prepare for His arrival.
I don't want to want things just because I think they'll make me happy. I want to get beyond myself, and beyond you, and past the temporary. Somehow, is this still just about what I want?

"The earth and stars and sun, all that was or will be, existed for his sake. And he was coming. The most dreadful, the most beautiful, the only dread and beauty there is, was coming."
C.S.L. - Till We Have Faces

More of Not Much of Anything

2008-02-25T19:31:00.005-06:00

To make up for being absent from my blog and completely BORING in general. Here's some pics from my BIG VACATION...to san antonio...eh hm.
Most of these pictures are of me, taken by me...what?

And some were taken on my phone...

This was at the British pub...really, the latest we stayed out was about 945...we're old!
I was walking around and taking pictures, this trailer was one of the first things I saw, and of course, it reminded me of work...

I like this picture for some reason...

Some of these pics are just me trying to be artsyThis is the one serious picture Lori and I took together and it's a little blurry
This had nothing to do with the trip, I just thought you'd enjoy it. I was diving onto some pillows trying to get a suspended in the air/supergirl picture.

this blog sucks

2008-02-25T16:19:00.002-06:00

lately - i've got nothing. maybe i'll work on that. i need a fresh start and time to think.
i had a little time to think last week and all that really did was increase the fret and concern over the upcoming elections, the state of our country in general and of course the world.
i'm undecided, which is unusual

My Valentine to You

2008-02-14T16:56:00.001-06:00

I mean...how else would I spent my Valentine's Day if not with Dr. Spock and Bilbo Baggins?

Why I Love My Job!!!!!!

2008-02-05T21:25:00.001-06:00

YES THAT IS P CRAY!!!! No, not the white boy on the right. The guy in the middle. I don't care if he dropped that pass that could have put the Cowboys in the Super Bowl. So what if the team that we already beat twice this year ended up winning the big game. I don't care about any of that. I just love me some P CRAY!!!!
We're BFFs. He laughed at my jokes.

MR A-Z

2008-01-25T16:02:00.000-06:00

Always a fan of Jason MMMMMRAZ!

Check this out. It's a wee bit long, but it's really beautiful, I think.

This is my sad face

2008-01-22T18:21:00.000-06:00

I'm tired of this world.

I Once was LOST

2008-01-21T22:06:00.001-06:00

Now I'm Kate. Not sure I'm a pathological liar, but then I could be lying.

Find out Which Lost Character Are You at LiquidGeneration.com!

I heart JJ

2008-01-18T08:03:00.001-06:00

Wanted to Mention...

2008-01-15T22:51:00.001-06:00

...I love this movie!!!
Chariots of Fire. If you haven't seen it, or just not in awhile, watch it.
I love that my mom made me watch this over and over when I was a kid (it was on the approved viewing list), and that I just remember how boring I thought it was.
I love that my brother and I taught ourselves how to play the theme song on the piano when we were wee kiddos.
I love this line. "I believe God made me for a purpose, but he also made me fast. And when I run I feel His pleasure."
I love that these men had a real understanding of honor, of God, each other AND country.
I love to be reminded that I can run and run, and chase the wind, and it is all vanity unless I run for Him.

Based on the Kid in the Front

2008-01-10T21:55:00.001-06:00

There's hope for us white folk yet... I LOVE THIS!!! See I really wanted to, but I never could take dance lessons. I guess voice and piano were expensive enough, and my folks probably thought it was best to stick with what I might actually be good at. Moving on, watch the kiddos.

Squandered Opportunity

2008-01-09T17:48:00.000-06:00

The majority of my life over the last year and a half has be spent wasting a truly great opportunity that the Lord has given me.

It's becoming so obvious to me now that I find it hard to believe it can be repaired.

I know it is my pride that has killed it. And now I'm being humbled whether I like it or not.

What does a man acquire from all his labor and from the anxiety that accompanies his toil on earth?

For all day long his work produces pain and frustration, and even at night his mind cannot relax! This also is futile!

There is nothing better for people than to eat and drink, and to find enjoyment in their work.

I also perceived that this ability to find enjoyment comes from God.

For no one can eat and drink or experience joy apart from Him.

For to the one who pleases Him, God gives wisdom, knowledge, and joy, but to the sinner, he gives the task of amassing wealth - only to give it to the one who pleases God.

This task of the wicked is futile - like chasing the wind!

Ecclesiastes 2:22-26

L-Town's Finest

2008-01-05T22:25:00.001-06:00

Sitting around watching tv with the girls. Unsuspecting.
We stopped on America's Trashiest Weddings, because that's got to be good for some laughs.
The show begins and I hear: "Our show starts in America's grassland, Lawton, Oklahoma."
Wha Wha WHAT?
I was struck with surprise, and yet I was not surprised at all.
I just remember thinking, "Seriously?" My roommates were laughing uncontrollably. I wasn't sure what to do.
I don't know the bride or groom, just 3 or 4 people that are in their wedding party.
The wedding consisted of a bit in which the groom's phone rang in the middle of the vows, he answered it and announced the Cowboys score to the congregation, and my highschool friend, and fellow show choir singer (I won't mention names) riding on one of the groomsmen's backs down the aisle like a pony. Awkward, yes I apologize, but sadly TRUE.
And to cap it off, beer drinking camels at the reception. Just some of L-town's Finest at their finest. Seriously people.
My face was red, I was actually embarrassed.
Congratulations Lawton, you've finally made it.

And I just want to note, they were ALL ou fans.

Why I Love the Holidays...

2007-12-28T19:11:00.000-06:00

Family, Friends, the Birth of our Lord...yes, but really, we have those things all year round.
What is really special about this time of year?
Two words. Bowl Season.
And if you know me you know I love my Longhorns and Mack Brown.
Mack Brown '08.
Anyway, I'm sure you've all seen this. Though one of the craziest and stupidest plays I've ever seen, I'm girly enough that it was painful for me to see the tears in Chris Jessie's eyes as he tried to avoid the cameras. My mind was running through all the humiliating scenarios Saturday held for him had the Longhorns not won this game...but..52-34.

Hook 'em!

Or You Could Just Watch the Video...

2007-12-10T22:12:00.000-06:00

Just a mere imitation of another man's...what's the word I'm looking for?...genius?

MOST EMBARASSING CLIENT CALL EVER

2007-12-10T16:53:00.001-06:00

Kent was going to out me, so I just decided to get it over with.
The following is a pretty accurate account of a phone call Kent and I just had with a client, University of South Carolina. We are discussing the design for their holiday email greeting. I honestly can't remember the last time I have been this embarrassed. Why they ever let me open my mouth and talk to clients, I'll never know.

Lola (Client): We should just use Britney Spears in a santa hat. Maybe no one will want to see that.

Kerri (Me): Well, I don't know, everyone seems to want a piece of that...

Crickets

Kent and Stephen: Hilarious uncontrolled silent laughter.

Lola (Client and everyone else on their end of the call): Hilarious uncontrolled silent laughter

Kerri (Me) with my head in my hands: So anyway...

For Philip - More Beards

2007-12-06T23:10:00.000-06:00

Who else?

Confucious

Gimli

ZZ Top

Jake

More Jake!

That guy

Uncle Jesse

Sick

Hard Lovin' Straight Thuggin'

2007-12-03T21:43:00.000-06:00

Not sure what that title has to do with this blog...

I told my boy Shelby Cook I'd give him a shout out.

This was him before he shaved his head.

Half way there.

He's crazy cool and he makes me laugh every single day. Find out why he shaved his head.

Roomie #5

2007-11-29T21:06:00.000-06:00

That's right. We now have a 5th roommate. It's to the point now that I've stopped calling my roommates by their names and I just refer to them by numbers in the sequence they moved in.
Meet 5. AKA LaShaunda.

She has a bit of an attitude.

But she's fabulous.

Reminds me of someone.

Truly we're sistas separated at birth.

Soul sistas.

Blog Slump, Music Slump

2007-11-29T20:56:00.000-06:00

I don't think anyone reads my blog any more. I haven't been very faithful about keeping it up and interesting, and well, I'm not sure anyone read it much anyway...
Moving on.
I'm in a blog slump, no interesting stories or profound thinking lately.
And I'm in a music slump, I keep listening to the Wicked soundtrack over and over, and, well, I just don't know what to do with myself.
So, if you happen to read this and you have some new fun, or old faithful artist, album, band, whatever that you recommend, let's have it.

Whisper...

2007-11-12T18:42:00.000-06:00

...aka Kristi. Thanks for your comment. It intrigued me so much that I opted to just go ahead and blog my response. Sadly, I'm not the Kerri that either once lived in Ireland or went to DePaul. Sadly, I say, because it seems I'm much less interesting than this other Kerri. All of the -3 people who regularly read my blog will definitely attest to that.
No, I'm just the Kerri that was born in Germany, but lived in Oklahoma most of my life and haven't been out of the country since my senior (high school) mission trip to Juarez, Mexico, and we all know that doesn't actually count at all.
I will say, however, that I love Chicago and I believe some distant relative either currently or at some point in my lineage must have lived in Ireland. It's the red hair, I just assume.
I did fight the urge to feign that I was this other Kerri because her life has seemed to be so much more varied than my own. But I figured I could only keep the lie going for a few blogs, then either you would catch on, or I would get bored and have to fess up.
I hope you find the other Kerri, and tell her she has a new fan in me, the more boring Kerri.
I have to ask. What made you think that I am her?

Swimming in Humility

2007-11-06T22:23:00.000-06:00

It's more refreshing than you would think. The funny thing is, I rarely ever voluntarily dive into it. Normally, like today, I have to be pushed in. Then, once I'm in it (careful not to crawl back out just for noticing) the pressure starts.
I'm pliable. Here I can learn to trust more, not in man and certainly not in me, but in His gracious sovereignty.
So on days like today, when I can't breathe and I ought to have just stayed in bed, He woes me.

Introducing Bangs and Tumor

2007-11-02T18:31:00.001-05:00

Our Alternate Personalities

Jay Leno at the Dentist

Lori got new bangs, get it. She's Bangs. Apparently she got the combo. Bangs with a side of double chin.

Quizical

Sponge Bob SQUARE HEAD

Our own Andy Warhol

The Personalities got their own faith.

WHAT?!

This dog smells

MY EEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now thems some big teefas

Check out the nostrils on Bangs

LET THE RAIN FALL DOWN! - Yes that is a Hilary Duff reference.

Confused...

...but Cute!

I'm PISSSSSSEEDDD!!!!

One-Eye Warhol

For your own good. B*!@$ Please!

LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOOONNNEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And this concludes our Friday night 7:15 fun with the Photo Booth. We crack ourselves up, and think that everyone should laugh along. You're lucky we're only showing you 19 of the 123 pics that we took. THE END!

*Disclaimer - Strong language (just one time) and some HOT HOT HOT roomies! You know you wish you were here.

*Disclaimer - Please disregard previous disclaimer.

My Dear Friend

2007-10-28T19:46:00.000-05:00

You walked with Jesus. You loved without regret. You lived fully. You were Joy to everyone who knew you. You were my friend when I needed you most. You laughed at my ridiculous jokes.

You told me you were ok with this. You asked for God to use you.

You suffered a bit, and now you're with your Savior. You followed the Desire of your heart, and now you're at His feet.

Olivia Joy Pearson

January 16, 1977 - October 27, 2007

My Weekend - The Recap

2007-10-14T15:26:00.000-05:00

Friday Night
Nap after work
Fox Sports Grill
Blue Moon
Elizabeth: The Golden Age @ the Angelika
Home
(a little while later)
Saturday
130am - Dragged to 7-11 with the roommates
145 am - hit by a drunk driver
200am - drunk driver flees the scene
(all's well no worries)
330 - bed
Sun's up
driving range
arbor hills
baking biscotti - I hate to BAKE!
Cristina's for dinner
Brandon's party = drunk work friends and a fire pit
Nichola's @ Legacy with friends, 3 beautiful/hilariously inappropriate 40+ black women, I felt right at home
Martini Park - WHY do I bother? Hit on by Jaleel White
HOME! Thank Jesus!
Sunday
Starbucks and Romans 4-5
WalMart run
Home and chillin on the couch, watching the Cowboys!

I love the weekends, they just never quite last long enough

Who da Folk?

2007-10-09T07:53:00.000-05:00

Confession: I was a bad fan and went to bed when there was only 4 minutes left in the game and Dallas was down by 8. I know, I know. I'm ashamed of myself.

On-side kick that actually worked? Who would have thought.
Nick Folk, already one of my new favs because I can say, "Who da Folk?" and I feel like I'm getting away with something.
T.O. been out on him for a GOOD minute. Romo, somewhat in, not completely sold out. No man crush yet. DC 5-0!

Material Meltdown

2007-09-25T22:16:00.000-05:00

I know that I have lived a very selfish, spoiled life when possibly the worst thing I've ever had to endure is packing. I can't express how much I hate to pack.
I was at the apartment today just trying to take one of what will be many jeep loads of stuff over to the house. I started off optimistic, afterall, I had already moved most of my furniture and was actually living fairly comfortably at the house. But the optimism quickly turned to meltdown. I am no where near finished. And the worst of it, it's all stuff that I don't even want! I mean I've got hours worth of kitchen crap to pack that I DON'T EVEN USE. Last time I cooked something...???? Wait, I'm trying to remember...
I opened the storage closet on our balcony and LOST IT! Boxes in the storage closet that hadn't even been unpacked from the last time I moved (which was May for those of you who are keeping count.)
I called my mom so she could talk me down off the ledge. I was close to chucking everything I own over the balcony and just leaving it. She's coming to help me on Thursday!!!!
I'm starting to hate all this stuff.
If God is doing a work in me to break me of my addiction to stuff, well, I think I'm ready for it.
How spoiled am I? I meltdown over the fact that I have too much stuff to pack and move.
I'm a selfish girl.

That Just Happened

2007-09-12T22:25:00.000-05:00

Scene: Me and my new roommates catching up on the day. Meanwhile, surveying the dog's damage which includes my toothbrush that she decided to borrow. This morning I got ready in Angela's bathroom, and had to borrow her brush.

Angela from the bathroom: "Is there a reason this brush is out?"

Lori confused.

Me from bedroom: "I needed it to dry my hair this morning. (moment of sudden realization) It's the dog's brush isn't it?"

Angela, Lori, Sarah, Sandy (the dog) laughing hysterically.

Me: "That's the cleanest dog brush I've ever seen."

End Scene.

Hide Your Pearls

2007-09-12T12:23:00.000-05:00

If you haven't already heard the news, our apartment was broken into yesterday. I'm making an official statement. I know you've heard some rumors in the tabloids and a statement from my publicist, but this is straight from the horses mouth.

I came home last night around 930 to Ang banging on the door. You see, the dead bolt (which can only be locked from the inside) was indeed locked and so she thought I was in there just being a PUNK...not unlikely, but not the case this time.

So as I walked up the stairs Ang says, "If we're both out here, how is our apartment locked from the inside?" Valid question.

Long story short, our downstairs neighbors had already called the 5-O. So we hung out in her apartment until they came, checked the back door which was left unlocked (their escape route). We went in packed some bags and PEACED OUT to stay with some friends.

They took some of Angie's jewelry, but nothing else, not laptops, dvds players, nothing. Didn't TOUCH my jewerly which makes me a feel a little rejected. Apparently nothing I own is of value, no surprise there. And otherwise left things pretty much as they found them. Had we not been able to get into our apartment we may never have known they were there. I've decided they were very polite thieves.

So the update is that we may or may not be moving to a new place rather soon, so if you know of anything, need a roomie, feel called to take in a homeless 25 year old "writer"/note-taker (thanks Tim) I've suddenly become available.

*Thank You for the reminder: "But we have this treasure in clay jars, so that the extraordinary power belongs to God and does not come from us. We are experiencing trouble on every side, but are not crushed; we are perplexed, but not driven to despair; we are persecuted, but not abandoned; we are knocked down, but not destroyed, always carrying around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our body. For we who are alive are constantly being handed over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus may also be made visible in our mortal body." 2 Cor. 4:7-11

"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." Matt. 7:6

Why I Recommend you Save the Cat! Even if You're a Dog Person

2007-08-29T23:49:00.001-05:00

It's past midnight, and I'm WIDE awake which is not atypical. Don't be fooled by the time stamp, it's always wrong. So here I am posting my second book review.

I have a friend who just filmed a short film Forgetten Frames about Louis Le Prince, who once told me about a book called Save the Cat! The Last Book on Screenwriting You'll Ever Need by Blake Snyder. The friend, not Louis Le Prince, told me about the book...I thought I should clarify.

It is just what the title says, a book about screenwriting. I've never read one before, so I can't promise it will be the last I'll read, but I'm glad it was my first. I have never had any real inclination to write a screenplay, but now I think, potentially, I could.

We'll start with the title. Save the Cat is a term Blake uses to indicate the moment in each film, or good film I should say, at which we are given a reason to side with our hero. It's the moment at which the hero does something, says something, or displays a character trait that draws us in and endears him to us. It could be an actual heroic act. It could just be his sense of humor. But, as Blake indicates, it has to be something. Sidenote: Think about what it is in The Departed that makes us want to follow Matt Damon's character's story and even though he's a murderer/gangsta (or would gangster be more appropriate in this case?) we want him to succeed right? Wait, maybe that was just me. I can't leave my disdain for Leo DeCaprio at the door, so...moving on.

Blake recites about a dozen or so of these easy to remember live and die by rules for writing screenplays. What is a logline? How do you come up with a killer title? Once you have those, figure out what genre your film falls into. The Golden Fleece, Whyduit?, Buddy Love, Dude with a Problem? To name a few.

The best part about this book is not so much that you're guaranteed to write a million dollar screenplay when you're done with it, but how it helps you to understand and appreciate a film by understanding its elements and how they came together to create it.

Next time you go to the movies, do this one thing. Pay attention to when the theme is stated. Blake calls this the "theme stated" of all things. It will happen right at the beginning of the film. Somebody, apparently usually not the hero, should state the theme within the first 5 minutes or so. Then your job is to watch for that theme to be resolved in some way by the time the film ends. I just watched About a Boy with Hugh Grant. While the credits are still rolling, the scene is set, William alone in his apartment. The Brittish/original version of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire on tv. The question: "No man is an island" is a famous quote by whom? Of course the whole film is about how he has tried to push everyone away, how he has tried to be an island, and the impending implosion of his personal island, and of course the very last scene is exactly the opposite. William's apartment filled with family and friends. Everyone's happy.

So the point is, if the theme isn't stated and somehow resolved in about 90 minutes, why in the world are we watching the movie.

I recommend it, not only if you'd like to write a screenplay, but especially if you just truly enjoy film and would like to enjoy it a bit more. I will warn you that you may start to disect every movie that you'll ever watch again into, ideally, 15 perfect "beats." It's appropriately funny, a tad formulaic but an enlightening glimpse into the behind the scenes of what goes into such a prominent form of entertainment in our already fatty bursting with entertainment culture. So enjoy!

(By the way the answer is John Donne)

I Love the 80s!

2007-08-27T20:35:00.001-05:00

After reading Natalie's throw back blog about Today's Special, I got to thinking about the shows I watched with sis and bro back in the day. What's better than reminiscing about the shows we loved as children? Well, I'll tell you.

Kerri's List of Shows She Was NOT Allowed to Watch

(note: some of these shows may spill over into the 90s)

Captain Planet

Scooby Do

PeeWee Playhouse

Welcome Freshman

Married With Children

The Wonder Years

Doogie Howser

Kids Incorporated

Salute Your Shorts

You Can't Do That On Television

ANY Soap Opera

Just the 10 of Us

Roseanne

Ghostbusters

Simpons

Beverly Hills 90210

Melrose Place

Anything on MTV and

Most shows on Nickelodeon

Life Goes On

sometimes even....Saved by the Bell

This is by NO means an exhaustive list, just some exceptional stand-outs. And, well...the ones that I watched anyway. Sorry mum!

el bloggo aburrido

2007-08-22T22:21:00.000-05:00

Sad day, for a couple of reasons. 1. I just had to look up the Spanish word aburrido. I couldn't remember if it was abOrrido or abUrrido. Which is a problem. For those of you who don't know, I do have a Spanish degree, allbeit from Oklahoma State University. This would be a good place for me to, with full disclosure, talk about my insecurity regarding that fact that my college degree is a complete JOKE! But, honestly, I'm not ready for that. My pride is still too hurt and, frankly it's a scary topic for me. I'd much rather just repress that emotion like I do every other one. Once a month I do have to address the issue whether I like it or not. Around the 15th of every month I get a crisp white envelope in the mail from the US Department of Education. And every month I write a check for $113.05 toward the loan that I'm still paying for the education that I apparently didn't get, or at least didnt' stick. Maybe I should be in Recovery for that among many things. 2. I can't think of one compelling or even vaguely entertaining thing to write about. Maybe because I spend a good part of everyday writing treatments with the goal of convincing alumni (typically) that through a sense of commitment and loyalty they should feel compeled to give money back to their university, or whichever institution of affinity happens to have their current email address. Ok, I'm not complaining because I am TRULY grateful that I get to do what I do everyday. I think God teaches me to love it a little more everyday. There is, however, a thick slab of irony that I seem to have unwittingly stumbled upon. (I should say, upon which I seem to have stumbled. Sorry grammar nazis.) So, if you've read this and you're waiting for the point, I don't have one.
I did make up the Spanish word for blog "el bloggo."

Tagged

2007-08-09T19:50:00.000-05:00

The Rules:
1. Post the rules
2. List 8 random facts or habits about yourself
3. If you are tagged, then you must Post the rules and list 8 random facts or habits about yourself.
4. After you post, tag 8 people and let them know they must read your blog for the rules

Alright ALRIGHT! I've been tagged twice now, by Angie and Aina, so here goes.

1. I can't scream. Physically, I don't know how to do it. I yell, but that ridiculously high pitched blood-curdling scream that girls are supposed to be able to do...not me. However, my singing voice is soprano, so I can sing a note at that pitch, just not scream it.

2. I haven't worn nail polish with color on my toes or fingernails since highschool, UNTIL about 2 months ago I got a pedicure and painted my toenails. I don't know why I didn't do it for so long. I had a weird kind of aversion to it, but I guess I'm over that.
Oh, and I've never died my hair, but...

3. Ok, this one is kind of embarassing. My eyelashes are, well...invisible, unless I'm wearing mascara, so my freshman year of college I decided to try to dye them. I went to Wal Mart, bought some hair dye. I probably don't have to tell you what happened next, but I'll just say that for about 5 LONG minutes I thought that I might actually have blinded myself and would never be able to see again. I'm an idiot.

4. I was married when I was 17...ok, not really. I just wanted to see if you were still paying attention. My REAL fourth random fact is that my brother and sister and I used to sit around and read the Trivia Pursuit cards to each other. We were kind of nerds, but really cool, smart ass nerds. I said "used to" but the truth is, we still do it. I'm just saying if you want to hang with the Urbanskis you better be up on your random trivia.

5. I was born in Bayreuth Germany. Because I wasn't born on a military base, but a German hospital I have a German birth certificate. So I actually have to keep proof of my American citizenship, or I'll be deported! Just kidding, only for those official things like passports, drivers license, what not.

6. When I was a kid I pronounced eraser - REraser. Not because I had some kind of speech impediment, but because I really thought that is what the word was. I also thought that vans (as in mini) were BANS, and I think it took me until I was about 9 to get that one straight. I still get my b's and v's mixed up. In Spanish b's an v's are both pronounced as b's, so when I got my Spanish degree, I got all kinds of mixed up and now very often I pronounce words that begin with a v as if they begin with a b. B de burro, o B de vaca? No se. There are other sounds that I get mixed up like f's and th's but I won't go into that, let me just say that if your name is Keith I'll probably call you Keifer, just because it's easier for me to say, and ever since Young Guns, I've had a serious crush on Keifer Sutherland.

7. Oh, this is a good one. I'm a whitey so I get some serious sunburns. One summer at my grandparents house in Tyler I got a really bad burn. It hurt SO bad that night that I couldn't sleep. So I went into the bathroom to find something to put on it. WELL, all I could find was IcyHot. I didn't know what it was for, but I was thinking, it's some kind of ointment, this should work. AGAIN, I don't have to tell you what happened next. I can say I don't think I've ever been in that much pain. It hurt so bad that I couldn't even cry or yell. All I could do was lay on the bathroom floor writhing in pain. Ridiculous pain.

8. I only throw up about once every 3 or 4 years. I HATE to throw up. I think it's one of the most scary feelings in the world. I think it is a legitimate fear of mine. Fear of throwing up.

I think that all the blog friends that I have have been tagged already. Another fact about me is that I am a bit defiant. I don't like to be told what to do, Ang could probably tell you about that. So in my defiance, I'm not tagging 8 new people. Ok really it's because everyone on my blog list has been tagged. Except Matty Caleb. So Cabeeb, if you read this and you want to play GO FOR IT!

What's the Definition of Insanity?

2007-08-07T23:27:00.000-05:00

12,000 people standing in line outside in AUGUST, in TEXAS for HOURS to sing for 30 seconds for a reality show intern. Well, it's only fair that I update you on the auditions. SURPRISE!!! I didn't make it through to see the real judges, BUT I actually had a lot of fun. And though it was a monumental waste of time and precious hours of sleep, I don't regret that I did it. Candace and I sat in section 14 row 34 seats 105 and 106 for about 5 hours...and all I could keep saying to myself was, "how do I get myself into these situations?" But I always do, I always do.

Oh, and on Saturday night on Denton Tap behind the Wal-Mart in Lewisville, this is what I parked behind. Odd. It made me think of Oklahoma, the musical, not the state...well the state too...

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry

When I take you out in the surrey

When I take you out in the surrey with the fringe on top!

4 AM

2007-08-04T14:03:00.000-05:00

Maybe because I'm 25!!!!!! and so much of my life is so blasted grown up, but lately I'm up for anything that lets me be just a little or a lot ridiculous. So at 4 AM this morning I got in line to register to try out for American Idol. (I think that's my le tigre face...NOT BAD!) I feel like I should say here, I really have NO intention to seriously try to be on the show. Actually, this is just step one in what I've decided will be me pursuing my music career. Next stop, the saloon show at Six Flags, then back up singer for Clay Aiken and God willing...CRUISE SHIP! Ok, ok, I went mainly because my good friend Candace wanted to go and she actually is good enough.
4 hours later, armed with a green wristband, we left. Only to come back on Monday and stand around and spend all day in the hot August sweat for what will be our 30 seconds of moderate acknowledegment...or sever rejection for that matter. The freaks are out already. Candace and I plan on staging a knock down drag out if we don't make it, so at least maybe that will make it on tv. And all I really want out of this is a good story.

Trys, Tries?

2007-08-02T21:00:00.000-05:00

I'm still not sure. I was reading an old blog I posted, and I kept writing "trys" but then I thought to myself, shouldn't that be spelled "tries"? But I couldn't remember...and TRY as I might, I can't wrap my head around it even now. I write for a living...what's wrong with me?
I've said for a few years now that I feel like every year that passes since high school I get a little dumber!
Anyone who has ever heard me try to do quick math can attest, I'm NOT good at it. I don't even think about balancing my check book. Somehow, I passed an AP CALCULUS test my senior year of high school and got college credit for the test. Now I have a hard time figuring out how much tip I should leave to hit 15%.
I don't really have anything clever or profound to say here...just documented concern for my diminishing intellect. By the way I just copied this into a word doc to check my spelling.

No Becks for You

2007-08-01T20:04:00.000-05:00

One would think, 250M - You'd show up and wave to the crowd, but no, this was all the Becks we got last night. Not hot at all.

Highlights of the night:

Getting there late, me cheering for the wrong team at first because, let's be real, LA Galaxy, FC Dallas...I don't know.

A SICK bicycle kick that resulted in a goal, that didn't count because of an offsides call.

Leaving our $35 seats and stealing some $65 seats.

(and stealing these guys' program when they got up to get some nachos - Leena is a clepto, and I'm defiant, we make a good team)

Taking dozens of photos of ourselves with our heads cut-off!

So it turned out to be a lot of fun, who needs Beckham?!?! OLE!

Six flags and the Simpons

2007-07-29T13:10:00.000-05:00

Six flags weekend. Every year my bro and sister-in-law bring my niece and nephew, Ashley and Austin down to Six Flags, and we all go. I love/hate 6 flags. I LOVE rollercoasters, but well...I'm a white girl and the chances of me running around outside all day without getting a pretty fierce sunburn are slim. Somehow I managed to stay in the shade enough that I avoided it, so PRAISE JESUS!

Saturday morning before we went to the park, my brother and I decided to go down to the Kwik-E Mart. So I snapped some pics.

Everyone's favorite convenience store attendant.

5 -O What?

Ashley stuffin' her face!

I'm sure I'm a bit partial but let me explain something to you, Austin is the cutest, funniest kid in the world. And he's super fly!

Book Review #1

2007-07-25T12:30:00.000-05:00

Top 5 things I love most about reading children's books:

1. Minimal Time-Commitment - What's better than being able to read an entire book in an less than 2 hours, ideally wrapped in a blanket on a cloudy Sunday afternoon?

2. Pictures - I'll be honest, I still LOVE it when books have clever illustrations.

3. Low Expectations - Good children's books are still thick with metaphor and meaning, but they are usually pretty easy to spot. You don't have to think too much, but there's a good chance you will be reminded about some innocent, fundamental, yet profound truth.

4. Good vs. Evil - Children's story may be one of the last venues where there is typically a clear line between good and evil. Often our modern adult literature (by this point we're all so jaded by our own sin) trys to justify evil, trys to find a gray area, tolerates the darkness. Light is still good, dark is still bad.

5. Escapism - I still wish I could walk through the doors of a wardrobe into another world, or be best friends with a talking pig, or discover the place where little rabbits wear blue jackets with brass buttons.

I'm a little behind on the current HP trend, but I did just read The Tale of Despereaux. It's about a little mouse that falls in love with a princess. He's born with his eyes open and he breaks all the mice rules. He reads books instead of nibbling on the paper, and he talks to humans rather than scurrying away. The author's delineation of being born in darkness but pursuing light makes a good story valuable. And I learned a new word chiaroscuro, which means the arrangement of light and dark elements, usually in a work of art. It made me think about the areas in my life that are shady, where I'm ok with the darkness mixing with the light.

I recommend it, for adults as well as children. If you need a break from your Edwards, Calvin, Tozer, Piper, pick it up!

What Are We Reading?

2007-07-19T07:49:00.000-05:00

Any suggestions? My mentor and I are trying to think of a book to read together. I'm always reading 2 or 3 books at a time, but we're looking for something to read through together. We read The Pursuit of God by Tozer. If you've read it, I don't have to tell you, it's good stuff. So very fundamental and layered with truth. Next we moved to Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell. We both agreed that we didn't get as much out of this book. There was some good stuff, some poignant truth, and some things that I thought were not truth, or that could be taken out of context and could potentially be dangerous. Maybe I'll start reviewing books on my blog but for now...

If that gives you an idea of what we're looking for and you have any recommendations, BRING IT!

Nearness

2007-07-14T17:28:00.000-05:00

I think that I have to be most like God in order to approach him most nearly. What is that really but pride?
First I try to straighten up. I try to dust off my filthy complexion. I try to transform my wretched thoughts. Then I brick myself up in a wall of ego. How close can I come? I'm a "cold egoist."
I am most near to Him when I need Him, and He is without need. I am most near to Him when I am in the throws of true penitence. When has He ever repented anything? I could keep going.

Mucinex...or Speed?

2007-06-26T08:23:00.000-05:00

I haven't taken many...or any drugs in my life time, other than the legal kind. But after last night, I think I might know what it would feel like to be on speed.
I've had a little cold this week, so my sweet roommate, Angie B, gave me some Mucinex last night. I think I went to bed at about 1030, and around 330, I realized that I was wide awake, my mind was RACING and I hadn't really slept at all.
It was really an odd feeling, I was sort of aware of what was going on, but kind of not. My brain was working like a broken record. I was thinking the same things over and over, like they were on a loop. Half of my brain was doing that, and the other half was laughing at the ridiculousness of the whole situation. I think I'm still on my high...just waiting to come off and crash at my desk.

Just Because...

2007-06-21T11:29:00.000-05:00

I thought the blog could use more visuals, and every rainy day needs a little pick me up! Sorry, I couldn't help myself. It made me laugh too too hard!

Get the New Off

2007-06-13T13:17:00.000-05:00

Some of you may have heard, a few blessed individuals may actually have seen...YES the rumors are true. I got a new car. A Jeep Patriot.
The "Buick" (affectionately pronounced - boo-weeck) finally kicked it. So it was necessary.
I'm really grateful, a little freaked out over the payments, AND happy to say, that I've already (in less than a week) had a rock hit the windshield and chip the glass. It wouldn't really feel like I owned it if it weren't at least a little bit ghetto.
Playing off the ghetto, I don't have a digital camera or I'd post some pics for ya.

I'm on Vacation...

2007-05-30T10:16:00.000-05:00

...from making decisions. It seems like I can't do so quickly or efficiently lately, so I'm taking a break. That's why my background color changes about every day or so. WHATEV!

Babies, Bluebonnets, and Busted Tires

2007-05-27T18:37:00.000-05:00

This morning, I drove through the rain on the way to Lawton for one of my dearest and oldest friend's baby shower. Every once in a while the rain would slow down, or stop altogether, the sun would come out a bit and shine on the wild flowers. If you haven't had the chance to drive through the country over the last few weeks, do it! The wildflowers are AMAZING right now. Thank God for all the rain this year, I don't remember ever seeing so many different hues of purples, yellows, oranges, reds, blues. It was some of the most awe inspiring scenery that Texas or Oklahoma has displayed since I can remember. The sky was at once bright blue and somber grey, and the cottonball clouds actually had a silver lining. I drove past a field blanketed with yellow flowers, not sure what kind, daisies maybe. The yellow stretched to the horizon with the silhouette of the Wichita mountains behind it. God the Artist, it's a wondeful thing.
I grumbled all week about driving home this weekend. Gas, money, time, there's never enough of them, and I spend them too frivolously as it is.
My friend Emily, whose baby shower I was in a rush to get to, looked like she was about ready to bust, mostly from joy. Lots of people from my old life were there, people that I only see at the occassional wedding or baby shower. It's always great to catch up, but also a little sad to realize how much you're not a part of these people's lives anymore. Friends that I used to tell everything, girls that I spent my childhood with, we're all grown up talking about cervuxes, and being dilated...well they were talking about it, I was listening. One girl pointed out that I was standing with my legs crossed. It was inadvertent but it completely represented my state of mind. I am in a very different time in life. They're all married. I'm very single. They're having babies, I mean, some of them have multiple children. I don't even have a pet. In fact, I have a hard time keeping my hibiscus alive.
I ducked out early as I had planned to come straight back to the big city. When I left I noticed one of my tires was really low, so I decided I better have that fixed before I left. Now I'm sitting on the floor in my parent's house deciding whether I should go hang out with some friends or drive back to Dallas. It's only 7, I could get there by 10. Decisions, decisions. I need a vacation from making decisions.
My parents aren't home, they're on their way to Virginia. My mom's mom just passed away and they're going to the funeral. I'm sorry to say, I really didn't know her much. All these years she has lived up there, and I can't remember seeing her more than 3 or 4 times. My little brother is here, but he already has plans to go to the movies with his friends.
So I find myself, by myself, with lots of options, but nothing really to do, sitting in the room where my sister and I used to play rummy late at night after my folks thought we were in bed.
Funny how even in the smallest things, my plans never quite work out the way I think they should.

It's Gonna Rain On Yo Head!

2007-05-14T12:55:00.000-05:00

Here are some posts that I wrote on another blog...

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

It's gonna rain on yo head!

I'm still reading Tozer with my mentor. It's funny how things that should be so fundamental, like Jesus is the Word, and he is continually speaking to us, and God is everywhere...that sort of thing, is also so full of mystery and so much more than I can even begin to start to understand.This week our chapter was about the voice of God. All my life I have struggled with not "hearing" God. I don't mean audibly, just at all, really. Or not being sure when it was God I was hearing, or if it was just my own thoughts, or worse...some other spirit trying to deceive me.Aside from the fact that we're all always so busy, we always have something to distract us, good things like church and ministry and serving, friends, tv, fellowship...all that stuff, not bad stuff just stuff.Aside from all that I have always approached God and the Word and praying and knowledge from a scientist's standpoint. I think I can rationalize the Word and the gospel, and make it make sense. I want to change my approach. Instead of trying to figure out everything and rationalize God and understand Him on my terms, I just want to default to worship. If I'm trying to figure it out, then I'm not letting God speak to me. I've closed myself off. I've stunted myself and limited my knowledge to my own knowledge.When I got back from Lawton Sunday night, I crawled onto my couch and stayed there for about 4 hours. I watched The Color Purple which I had never seen before. There's a scene where 2 women are walking through a field of these purple flowers and one says to the other something along the lines of, God just wants us to love Him. The other women says, "Sounds vain to me." The first lady, "Not vain, just sharing a good thing." God doesn't need us to love Him, or even want us to love Him for His sake, but let's us love Him, for our sake, because He is the ultimate good thing.

Thursday, February 22, 2007

The Danger with the Way We Are
How often do I say, "that's just the way I am"? Those six words are mankind's way of saying, I know I'm wrong, I know I should change, but I'm not going to.Ok, let me back track a minute. We are all different. It is valid to say, that is how I'm made, that is why I respond this way. I'm different than you and that is ok. I'm not talking about the instance when sin isn't involved. But for me, if I feel like I have to justify my actions with those words, sin is involved.So when I act like a jerk, well that's just my personality, that's just me. So I not only justify my behavior, but I discount the fact that it was potentially harmful to someone else, and completely not glorifying to God.I think that is potentially one of the most dangerous statements to make, not only stunting spiritual growth but our growth as a community, a fellowship of believers.Bottom line, like it or not (and I'm the later), we are called to lay down our lives, our selves, our possessions. Everything. That means, how "we are", how we act, our behavior, our habits. We are no longer our own but Christ's. We are to be transformed to be more like Christ.When we say "that's just the way I am" we are clinging to the flesh, to the temporary.Here's what I'm getting at. I don't want to use that defense in my life anymore, because ultimately what I am defending is my sin nature. I should measure all things to how Christ is, to His nature. In response to Angie's post, I think it would help us to grow in community by trying to stop defending our human position and justifying our sin nature. That's always my first response, I always have a justification for my actions. I always have a reason why I'm right. Instead I want to try to look first to Christ's nature. What is the nature of God and how does what I'm trying to defend not measure up?

O Lord Haste the Day

2007-05-10T07:44:00.000-05:00

If you were able to go to Venture last night, I hope that it was as sweet for you as it was for me.
I was overwhelmed at the joy of seeing God work. Something about knowing that man's hands weren't in it at all, that it was fully God.
Last night was one of those moments, I don't have them often enough, when I could truly say, Lord haste the day. I can't wait to be with my Lord in eternity.
It broke me, I realized that I hadn't been lovesick for the Lord in a long time. I haven't been truly romantically in love with the Lord in a LONG time.
He's so good. Lord break my hands and remove my idols. Tear away my pride, so I can love me less and You more. Help me to lay down my burden of self-awareness and pick up Your burden of meekness.

My wheels, shot off

2007-05-07T16:50:00.000-05:00

Ok, I just typed that subject line and realized that Pursuant jargon has COMPLETELY infiltrated my everyday speech. I hold Jason Mitchell responsible for that. I even thought for a second that I should change it, even though it was my first thought. No, I'm leaving it. I've given in.
Back to the point. I added a link to the upcoming film Across the Universe to my blog.
It looks to have a Moulin Rouge aesthetic set to the music of the 60s, mostly if not exclusively the Beatles. AND, Bono is in it, which is really all I need to know.
I was (am) pretty stoked about it, until my friend pointed out how laced with propaganda it is apt to be. He may be right and I'll probably watch it anyway.
I've slighted other less artistic endeavors because I don't want to make a habit of turning a deaf ear to agenda for the sake of entertainment.
I'll fall in love with it as a piece of art, I can already tell.
So I'll let you decide for yourself.

I am Tiger Woods

2007-04-24T11:56:00.000-05:00

The girls threw me a fun little birthday bash Friday night. Who knew that 7 girls plus a driving range could equal so much fun. I love that none of us really know all that much about golf. Especially me, apparently, I suck! That rights, those junior golf trophies, not all they're cracked up to be. Apparently the "straightest drive" trophy means, "thanks for participating."
I saw a guy that I work with at the driving range, and Monday morning he said, "I didn't see a bar there, what were ya'll doing there?" I mean, what else? But the better question is, why is it easier for him to believe that I'd be there for the bar rather than the driving range...???
Then we headed over to the Fox Sports Grill for some yummy eats. Best part, definitely the cake from Celebrity Bakery. Thanks Angie! You made my day special.
I am so blessed to have these girls in my life.
Some of my favorite moments...

Leena, is that you?

Amputees having fun at the driving range...is that wrong?

I think this one speaks for itself.

Why isn't it blue?

Who answers their phone when the candles are lit?

Longest Blog Ever, Bring a Snack

2007-04-18T12:06:00.000-05:00

The subject of fasting has been fairly prevalant lately, understandably. In general, in every aspect of my life, not just my relationship with the Lord, it's a struggle for me not to just go through the motions. I'm not necessarily bent toward "feeling", so I can, for example, not eat for a day and not be affected by the experience much at all. I may feel hungry, but I don't stop to think about how that makes me feel. Does that make sense? And now to the point, I keep telling myself, this is not just about not eating today. Honestly, that's not hard so for me, not preferable, but not difficult either. So that's the problem. It's easy for me to go through the motions and completely forfeit the luxury of replacing food with Christ.
I can understand the practice of fasting and not benefit from it at all. I can go through the motions, but I'm not sure that glorifies the Lord. (That's not to say that sometimes just being obedient by taking action isn't valid. Should I not pray because I don't feel anything when I do? Of course not.)
But why is it that I can so easily go through the motions of spiritual discipline and not come down the mountain all lit up?
Well, I don't know. I do think, however, that it has a lot to do with how focused I am on myself from day to day, minute by minute.
My self-preservation reaction tells me to just go through the motions or do what everyone else around me is doing or deems right or effective. Tozer says we've become smug and content to "imitate each other with slavish devotion." We, or I direct my "most strenuous efforts" to looking like you so that you will accept me. Here's the problem, my focus if it's not on me is on you accepting me. I don't trust God's love enough. Why not? Lack of faith, maybe the one spiritual outpouring that is not focused on me at all. "Faith is occupied with the Object upon which it rests and pays no attention to itself at all." My gaze is misdirected. Lord, help me to look to you, to imitate you. Increase my faith.

Summertime, and the living is easy

2007-04-15T09:45:00.000-05:00

Ok, not quite summertime. I did pack for 70 degree weather and it turned out to be 30 degrees in Tulsa this weekend. So picture me running around Tulsa in the freezing rain in a dress and sandals.
I went to a sweet friend's wedding (which was meant to be outside and moved in, thank goodness!) It was an extremely simple ceremony, but it was filled with unrestrained joy. We really celebrated with this couple, and God was glorified.
I was also invited to the opera, Porgy and Bess. I love LOVE to sit and just soak it all in.
This is an amazing story about grace and unconditional love.
Bess, out of fear, continued to turn back to the fleeting pleasures that she thought satisfied her before she knew Porgy's love. Porgy always accepted her, always reached out his hand for her, never stopped pursuing her.
The funny thing is, and this is where I come in, Bess loved Porgy, more than anything else, more than any fleeting pleasure. But she ran back to her crutches out of fear. Maybe fear of total abandon, fear of complete surrender to his love. Lack of faith, lack of trust.
Bess paints a pretty accurate portrait of me.
His love is all I want, and still I turn back.

Johnny come lately

2007-04-12T17:15:00.000-05:00

Better late than never. I finally have a blog. I wanted to be able to share my heart with friends that I don't get to talk to often. So I'll keep this one short and sweet.
More to come...possibly some video of me stair surfing if I can figure out how to get that on here.